National Eating Disorder Awareness Week: How Can You Help?
- Feb 24, 2016
- 5 min read
How To Help a Friend or Loved One with Eating and Body Image Issues
If you're concerned about someone's eating habits, weight, or body image, it can be very difficult and scary. The tips below are a starting point to give you helpful ideas of how to best help your friend or loved one.
Learn as much as you can about eating disorders. Read books, articles, brochures, etc. Visit the National Eating Disorder Awareness website here. Or, read my blog article with facts about eating disorders here. Be prepared.
Know the difference between facts and myths. This could be about weight, nutrition, and exercise, and also about eating disorders themselves. My blog contains nutrition information and my website has links to other reputable blogs. Or, check out other reputable sites. Check out my blog post about myths about eating disorders here. Knowing the facts will help you reason with your friend about any inaccurate ideas they may have that could be fueling their disordered eating patterns.
Be honest. Speak with your loved one openly and honestly. Avoiding it or ignoring the problem won't help!
Be caring, but firm. Caring for your friend does not involve being manipulated by them. Avoid making rules, promises, or expectations that you can't or won't uphold - "I promise not to tell anyone;" "If you do this one more time, I'll never talk to you again." Your friend is responsible for their actions and the consequences.
Give compliments. Remind your friend or loved one that true beauty is more than skin deep. Compliment their personality, success, accomplishments, and what a good friend they are.
Be a good role model. This is with regards to healthful behaviors - eating, exercise, and self-acceptance.
Tell someone. This can be very difficult. But, it is important to address body image or eating problems in the early stages, if possible, to offer your friend or loved one the best chance of working through their issues. By telling someone, they can get the help they need.
What Should You Say?
If you're approaching someone with an eating disorder, you will need to take into account that they are fearful of disclosing their behaviors or feelings. Let the person know you care about them and want to help them face their problem and support them through the healing process. The following steps will help you to do this.
Set a time to talk. Set aside a time where you can have a private and respectful meeting with this person to openly and honestly discuss your concerns in a caring and supportive way. Make sure you are some place where there are minimal distractions. Avoid broaching the topic if you're around food or in a situation in which you feel emotional, angry, or tired.
Communicate your concerns. Share memories of times when you felt concerned about this person's behaviors. Explain that you think these things may indicate that they need professional help. Avoid using "you" statements. Instead, use "I" statements - "I'm worried about you;" "I care about you."
Ask your friend to explore these concerns with a counselor, doctor, nutritionist, or other health professional. Specifically someone who has experience with eating disorders. If you feel comfortable doing so, you may offer to help make an appointment or go with this person to their first appointment.
Avoid conflicts or battles of will. If the person refuses to admit that there is a problem, or any other reason for you to be concerned, simply re-state your feelings and reasons for them and leave yourself open and available as a supportive person and listener.
Avoid placing shame, blame or guilt.
Do not use language that implies that the person is doing something wrong: "You are making me worried." Instead try: "I am worried about you."
Avoid manipulative statements: "Think about what you are doing to me;" "if you loved me you would eat properly." This can worsen the eating disorder and make it even more difficult for the person to admit their problem.
Do not use threatening statements: "If you don't eat right, I will punish you." This can be damaging to the person and exacerbate their fragile emotions which can intensify the problem.
Avoid giving simple solutions. "If you'd just stop, then everything would be fine!" "You just need to eat."
Avoid putting the focus on food. Instead, talk about how the person, or you, is feeling.
Try to not take on the role of therapist or dominate the conversation. Allow the person to have a safe space to talk and be there to listen. Encourage them to express how they feel rather than just telling them how you feel.
Actively listen and create a safe space for them to share. You want them to understand that they are not judged or criticized by you and that you are listening to what they are saying.
Express your continued support. Make it clear that you are there for them every step of the way. Remind them that you want them to be happy and healthy, and you will help them to be so, in whatever way you can.
What Can You Do to Help Prevent Eating Disorders?
Since this is National Eating Disorder Awareness Week, we can all be advocates for the prevention of eating disorders. We can take steps to educate ourselves and those around us - to challenge the notion that there is only one "right" way to look, and to spread the word about eating disorders.
Educate Yourself
Learn as much as you can about all of the different eating disorders. Awareness helps you avoid judgmental or mistaken attitudes about weight, eating disorders, food, and body shape.
Avoid categorizing foods as "good" or "safe" and "bad" or "dangerous." Balance and variety is the key to a healthy life.
Challenge the Thin Ideal
Challenge societal beliefs that thinness, weight loss, or muscularity are desirable while body fat and weight gain are shameful.
Avoid attitudes, comments, or actions that may communicate: "I would like you better if you lost weight, don't eat so much, or change how your body looks."
Avoid judging others or yourself based on body weight or shape.
Discourage the idea that a particular diet, weight, body shape or size will lead to happiness and/or fulfillment.
Talk About It
Model healthy self-esteem and body image - others pay attention! Choose to value yourself and speak to yourself with respect. Don't let how you feel about your body determine the course of your day.
If you think someone has an eating disorder, use the steps above to communicate with them. Gently, but firmly encourage that person to seek professional help.
Take Action
Critically view the media and the messages it is trying to send regarding self-esteem and body image. Talk back to the television when you see or hear something that promotes a certain body ideal. Write to editors of magazines about the advertisements or articles that trigger negative feelings about body shape or size. (NEDA has an article about how to critically view the media, here
Support local and national eating disorder organizations, like NEDA.
Sources:
1) "How to Help a Friend with Eating and Body Image Issues." NEDA. http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/how-help-friend-eating-and-body-image-issues. Accessed 24 February 2016.
2) "What Should I Say?" NEDA. http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/what-should-i-say. Accessed 24 February 2016.
3) "Approaching someone you care about." National Eating Disorders Collaboration. http://www.nedc.com.au/what-to-say-and-do. Accessed 24 February 2016.
4) "What Can You Do to Help Prevent Eating Disorders?" NEDA. http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/what-can-you-do-help-prevent-eating-disorders. Accessed 24 February 2016.
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